My work doesn’t want to be ‘current’, because that would mean that eventually it wouldn’t be.

My work picks up chicks for me, and then forces me to break up with them.

My work is not casual, nor is it relaxed.

My work is American, even though it hates to believe it.

My work is an anarchist, unless there is money to be made.

My work was born into war and will never leave it.

My work wishes it was less like other peoples work.

My work worships the work of Morton Feldman, King Tubby and Franz Kafka.

My work does not accept requests.

My work moonlights as sound design part time.

My work ingests the work of others and then pukes.

My work does not vote.

My work occasionally lies.

My work likes foreplay more than fucking.

My work does not get along with sound engineers.

My work lives in New York.

My work dwells too much in the past.

My work is awkward in public places and social gatherings.

My work is who others call on when they’re in a bind.

My work seldom calls on anyone for help.

My work is free of disease, but has a weak heart.

My work doesn’t think about the future.

My work gives away free hallucinogenics at parties.

My work doesn’t consider immortality.

My work does not come out of my head.

My work sleeps around.

My work is about gentrification and the subtraction of space.

My work is adverse to guitar players.

My work despises bongos.

My work can cause the affect of anxiety as well as calm.

My work is a vampire.

My work fights back.

My work bites.

My work is ‘so so’ in the sack.

My work is a con-artist posing as a business man.

My work has insomnia.

My work knows Karate.

My work doesn’t have many friends on Facebook.

My work is narcoleptic.

My work sleeps underground.

My work does not show empathy.

My work is straight, but experiments from time to time.

My work stops working when dinner is served.

My work used to be famous, but is afraid of spotlights and strobes.

My work likes marijuana, but tends to stop working after smoking too much.

My work has been known to brawl if provoked.

My work has fits of rage.

My work is bi-polar and has delusions of grandeur.

My work doesn’t like my friends.

My work loves my children.

My work despises music theory.

My work listens to my wife.

My work works out.

My work hates the idea of remixes.

Dogs don’t like my work, and my work doesn’t like dogs.

My work is fictional, not auto-biographical.

My work gets uncomfortable at art openings.

My work comes in peace, unless you provoke it.

My work kicks my ass.

My work works while watching movies.

My work can be loud at big events.

My work prefers to work at festivals.

My work hates to tour.

My work usually doesn’t mingle with similar work.

My work gets nervous during talks at academic institutions.

My work welcomes noise.

My work prefers sine waves to square.

My work is comfortable in dangerous neighborhoods.

My work is not an early riser.

My work is comfortable going out alone.

My work hates the sun light.

My work doesn’t enjoy applause, but I do.

My work is suspicious of managers.

My work is suspicious of promotors.

My work is not interested in CMJ or SXSW.

My work works best when it is paid to work.

My work works good under pressure, but bad when it isn’t urgent.

My work has an attitude problem.

My work has issues with intimacy.

My work worries about what people think.

My work is not religious, but is not an atheist either.

My work can get lost if not given directions.

My work likes to party alone.

My work hates to network.

My work is anti social, but loves to be the center of attention.

My work is a narcissist.

My work looks at me with dissatisfaction whenever I stare at it for too long.

My work works on holidays and weekends, but sometimes, without warning, will stop working for days, months and even years.

My work dreams of rising from the dead, possessing loud speakers, headphones and mixing consoles.

To be continued…