In a change from our semi-usual editorial policy of hyping our music, attacking other people and posting things that are stupid yet funny, I’ve decided to put on my amateur-political-analyst fake New Era fitted hat and take a look at this years upcoming presidential election.

The event that’s inspired me to do so is Barack Obama’s shocking and very public political beat down of Hilary Clinton. For those who don’t watch politics, you may not have noticed that last night not only did he win, but beat her embarassingly into not second but third place, behind John Edwards. Obama took just under 38% to Hilary’s just over 29%, for a nine point difference. For someone who’s only been a senator for three years going up against one of the beloved political dynasties of our age, this is a big deal. The fact that he did so in a state that’s 95.9% white pretty much blows out of the water a lot of people’s claims that Amerika would never elect a black man for president as well as evaporating all the talk about Clinton’s “Inevitability”. Personally, I think it’s great.

And for those who will say “But America is still racist, he can never win!” I will point you to one of my new favorite subjects, the Republican candidates. Basically, you could run a one-legged chicken against ALL of these people and beat them. Let’s take a look.

In the lead, we’ve got Mike Huckabee (20%), former baptist minister and governor of Arkansas. With much less money and Republican establishment support he blew a big hole in the candidacy of the Republican directly behind him, Mitt Romney(18%). Basically coming from nowhere he leapt to the front of the race primarily based on the fact that, in the eyes of the Evangelical Christians who make up 60% of Republicans in Iowa, there is no other “socially conservative” Republican in the race that they can stomach.

Romney, as a Mormon, has ZERO chance winning over these people. They’ve all seen Big Love, they’re not convinced. Behind him is John McCain (13%). I actually have some sympathy for this guy out of all of them because as strongly as I disagree with him and think he’s basically insane, he seems like he believes in his insanity and is willing to stick up for it. Fair play. Still, his sticking to his convictions, including his recent statement that he wouldn’t mind if the Iraq war went on for another 100 years, is not going to win him the general election. Even Republicans are embarassed about the war by now, there were no weapons, we didn’t get to steal any oil and worst of all we can’t even win the damn thing. Whoops.

Next we’ve got Fred Thompson (13%), that actor guy. Nope, you’re not the governator, it’s not gonna work. Ron Paul (2%), who seems crazy in a good way, is great on the Iraq war and came in fifth. I’d say he’s probably too good for any serious number of republican’s to vote for, not bad-crazy enough at all.

Which gives me great GREAT satisfaction to announce, that bringing up the rear in sixth place is my personal least favorite person on earth, Rudy Giuliani. Let me just take a moment to say, you thought you were going to win Rudy? Nyeah nyeah! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. You 9/11-exploiting, adultering, police-murder-endorsing fascist, you FAIL! I can’t tell you how happy that makes me. Having lived through 8 years of Giuliani time personally in NYC I have many many reasons to hate this guy, not the least of which is that he is a giant asshole. What he will be good for, in true form, is attacking and taking the air out of the other hopeless Republican candidates.

I tell you, Tuesday night I will be sitting watching the NH primaries with a big bowl of popcorn and laughing my head off as the Republicans step on each others faces trying to climb to the top of the mountain of loserdom that they are swiftly becoming. It just goes to show, that there is a limited amount of evil insanity that ANYONE, even the pathologically misleadable American people, will put up with and vote for. I think for the first time in my life I may actually enjoy a presidential election.

All statistics are loosey-goosey and un-fact checked. It’s a music blog, if you don’t like it go read someone else.

edit: fixed McCain and Thompson percentages, thanks Lamin (we are fact checked after all, though not by ourselves). And in response to your question about disinformation, I wouldn’t be too sure about that.